Always a baby…

This morning Asha woke up around 2:30am and started calling out to me. This doesn’t happen too often anymore but once in a while she wont stop fake-crying unless I come by to comfort her and lay next to her on the little bed. Before she falls asleep, sometimes we have a small conversation, sometimes she will hug me tight and cuddle, sometimes she will give me a forehead rub like the one she sees me giving to Devang every so often.  Needless to say because I get to share these moments with her I quickly forget that it’s a bother to get up in the middle of the night.  But these days I have to remind myself that baby # 2 is on it’s way and may be I won’t feel this way when I am already running low on sleep and energy.

So this early morning I went down and instead of laying next to her, I tucked her in and left. But she started calling out to me again in a few minutes and after waiting and noticing that it wasn’t going to stop, I went downstairs and tucked her in again and left. Well, it happened a third time and this time I sat her up on her bed and explained how both of us needed our sleep and how the baby in the belly was waking up because she was crying and how we will see each other soon when the sun comes out.  I could see her little eyes in the dark looking at me and trying to understand and agree.  I tucked her in one final time and I could tell that she still wanted me to lay next to her but she didn’t say anything and let me go.  I kept an eye on her via the baby monitor and could see that she definitely didn’t go to sleep right away, but I felt so proud of her for understanding my concerns and being considerate to my needs over hers. And of course at that moment I wanted to cry and wake up Devang to tell him that our baby is growing up too fast.

Fast forward to this afternoon, my mom called to catch up with me and make sure I was hanging in there in these last few days of pregnancy.   Being me, I started complaining and venting about several things that were about to change my little world.  And being the mama she is, she said the exact things I needed to hear.  At 33 I am guilty of believing that I don’t need to be told anymore on how to behave and feel. But this phone call was probably the most useful advice I have received in a while.  I listened to my mom and all of a sudden I felt like I was Asha sitting on a little bed with my mom helping me see the bigger picture.

This time I did cry after hanging up the phone call. And it wasn’t because I was sad but because I felt like I was in this magical place where I was a mother and baby at the same time. And I realized that no matter how old Asha and my future kids are, I will always have a role to play and I hope I have sensible and helpful advice for them like my mom did for me today.  I also promised myself that next time I won’t roll my eyes when mom says she can’t believe how fast I’ve grown.  I think I finally understand that this feeling never really goes away.

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