Full of purpose and still lost

Last summer I was reading Sam Kashner and Nancy Schoenberget’s The Fabulous Bouvier Sisters: The Tragic and Glamorous Lives of Jackie and Lee when a quote by Jackie Kennedy Onassis really jumped out to me. On parenting and family life, Jackie says:

If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do matters very much.

It really resonated with me then, and does so every few days when I tend to over-dwell on my purpose in life.

It is an odd mix of feelings I am feeling right now as I navigate motherhood. It’s like I am completely content and self-assured on one hand, but then have this giant gaping hole in my self confidence on the other. I feel oddly one dimensional. Like in a room full of interesting people, the only thing I’d have to add to the conversation is about gassy babies.

I am a year away from turning 40. So perhaps this is just mid-life crisis talking. May be everyone goes through this self-questioning.

Still, it is not a reassuring feeling to have that little voice in your head that keeps repeating that perhaps you have lost your edge at being something other than a mother or learning something new or doing something meaningful for the world.

I wanted to share these feelings with you today because at the very least it just is good to get them out. At the very best, may be one of you have gone through something similar and have insights on how you dealt with that tiny voice that questioned your abilities and purpose.

Thank you for being here for me. : )

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