I fell asleep right around 9:30pm last night – a good thing because sleep hasn’t come easy to me in these last few weeks. Then I woke up wide awake at 1:00am not knowing what to do with myself.
I considered making a hot bowl of Maggie noodles and slurping them in bed while watching a black & white movie on TCM. But then thinking it’s only just 1am, I decided I had time to fit in a few more fun things. ; )
So I read up on all the stories I had tagged on my phone from various blogs and websites. I am always over ambitious in collecting things I’d like to read later, but eventually most of it gets lost in the shuffle. Not tonight of course.
Reading Missed Milestones To Faded Friendships: The Unacknowledged Grief Of 2020 on NPR was perhaps the best thing that has happened to my mental state. I have struggled with sadness and despair in these last few months just like many others, but have felt guilty about complaining because it seemed unfair given all the many good things that I was still lucky to have. Here is an excerpt from the story that really resonated with me …
… even when a loss is of something intangible — a sense of purpose, time, motivation, relevance — it’s important to grieve it and reach out for help if you need it.
There will always be someone going through something that seems more serious. But that “toxic positivity” is masking a national sadness about this pandemic to which no one is immune.
“There is a gift for us in the truth-telling,” says Bryant-Davis, who says it’s urgent that we “stop pretending we’re not hurting.”
“We are complicated beings. You can have more than one feeling at the same time,” she says. “You may be grateful that you have your health and still very disappointed about the losses of this year. And one doesn’t cancel out the other.”
Feeling even more awake after reading these words, I promptly went to my public library account and lined up a few good books to read based on recommendations from BBC’s Culture column. Here are the ones that I added to my hold-list:
Feeling even better about getting all the books I wanted without spending any money, I went to Anthropoloigie, and spent the money I had saved on an over-the-top sequence dress I had been eyeing all holiday season. Just what an 8-month pregnant body desires you know …
It’s rather fun to be awake when the rest of the house is asleep. Although, in the time that I have been reading, shopping, and typing, Arjun has had a bad dream and crawled in my bed, followed with Ajay meandering over an hour or so later with a sleepy smile which to me says mama, wouldn’t you rather cuddle with me than that pillow?
Yes my moose, come on right over.
So yeah, the bed is full of bodies and I am sitting on the floor finishing this blog post at 3:48am. Which now seems like the perfect time for slurping some hot noodles and a classic on TV.
Good night and Godspeed to all.