Quarter life crisis?

I’m slowly accepting the fact that I may never truly figure out what I want from life or what I am here to give. When I come across people who are content, I wonder if they are lying or have they just stopped wondering and questioning. All the same, I am jealous of them and their peace of mind. Because even in the happiest moments of my life I am never truly at peace. I can’t seem to take it for what it is. I poke it, I suspect it, I make things of it, to see if there is a sign somewhere in that moment to let me know what my calling is.

It’s difficult to explain to others the state of my mind. I’m not depressed just desperate. Desperate to be different, to be interesting, to be right, to be the one with stories to tell. Sometimes, this burn is good because it makes me go out there to try new things and meet new people. And for a while that helps, but then I am back at square one wondering what all those new things mean.

I used to feel guilty for being so restless. But now I realize that it’s a dangerous thing to be content at 27. I need things to keep me awake at night, to keep me busy, to not know what life is about. I need to wander some more. Then may be one day I’ll be okay, either because I’ve found myself or because I’ve realized that I dont need to know anymore.

2 thoughts on “Quarter life crisis?

  1. i like the way you write, really what i mean is i like what you feel…you are not alone sister and the feelings you publish here truly never go away no matter how old you get or how much you do! Love it, as your life will always be a colorful one ever changing. Pity those that don't see it or get it (whatever it may be), life will never be as vivid to them as it is for you.

  2. Well put Chika girl. I have the sneakiest suspicion that if willing to admit, everyone is somewhere on the spectrum of restlessness when it comes to the big questions about life. The feelings of restlessness and discontentment may sound somewhat negative but if used appropriately, they are the very force that drives us to search for more than what meets the eye. And the fact there is that urge to discover for more, there must be something out there to be discovered. It is a life long process and I believe with each day passing by we are finding out more than we feel or think. And as you put it beautifully, the trick is to be restless restfully and to never stop searching for the treasure while appreciating the mystery of life.

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