I watched three videos this morning on how to load a packing-tape dispenser. Asha saw me poking around with it in frustration and finally walked over and figured out what I was doing wrong.
I have been up since 3:00am because there is too much on my mind. The first and foremost being this sinking feeling that our home is not going to be ready in time. Instead of being settled and prepared for the new baby, I am going to be living amongst unpacked boxes and mattresses on the floor. There are certainly worse things in the world – like living in a war zone with no food and running water and bombs and bullets being shot at me – but that is really the only worse case scenario I can think of.
Last night, after Devang got home from work, he kindly shared that our friends in Nashville finally have their phone and internet service back. I looked at him with a look that said and why were they missing in the first place … to which he replied because of the bombing. To which I said, what bombing. How the hell did I miss this? I am living on a planet void of any external news and updates.
I have been yelling at the kids a lot. Not yelling-yelling but just wearing all the frustrations and feeling on my sleeve, as they say. Because so many big things are out of my control right now, I seem to have zoned in on minute annoyances and then giving them a hard time about it. Threats have become my parenting style lately.
I shed a happy tear on our back deck just a few minutes ago when I saw Asha, Arjun, and Ajay sitting on a bench by the pond with a blanket and coloring books and markers. They had found a way to escape another one of my lecturing episodes. I am thankful for their resilience and love for each other during moments when I have failed.
Today, Ajay asked if he could use my phone to make a video. He wanted to show how to put together a Lego velociraptor dino. He started off by saying “hi guys, this is Ajay and today I am going to show you how to make a velociraptor.” I am not sure if I will see anything cuter all week. Unless he makes another video.
I turn 39 in a few days.
I can’t figure out why my new laptop screen is dark when I have repeatedly adjusted the brightness setting. I should just ask Asha to fix it.
Of all the times in my life, I have never been more grateful for being able to rely on my drawing supplies to make me feel a little less frazzled. I have loved drawing in my sketchbook (on paper and using the paint app on my new computer). I have loved sharing this passion with my kids who always join-in with their own coloring supplies. It seems to be the only thing I am doing right lately.